21st century Dallas has quickly settled into a groove and become a must-watch Wednesday night TV treat. Tonight's episode, like every episode, was a constant loop of double-crossing, backstabbing and even more double-crossing.
Everyone is lying to somebody. And when they are lying, the person they are telling a lie to is lying straight back at them. It sounds complicated and often is, but you can easily keep up with proceedings because the actors signal each twist with a silent evil stare, which usually ends with a camera zoom as they cock an eyebrow or curl a lip. Very handy.
John Ross and Elena reconnected this week. But JR got snaps of them canoodling and sent them to his son's psychotic bit on the side Marta (we know she's psychotic, because she walks around in lingerie and has an accent). She is now either going to team up with JR to screw his son out of Southfork or skin the goatee-bearded slimeball alive. Or possibly both.
While JR is screwing John Ross, John Ross is busy screwing Rebecca. Using the discovery that she sent that email to his brother Christopher all those years ago, he's blackmailing her to do his dirty work. Except she won't play along and at the end of the episode, we're left with a ripsnorter of a cliffhanger as she prepares to spill the beans to her husband. Or maybe not... this is Dallas after all.
Elsewhere, Bobby still has cancer and spends most of his screen time during this episode with his hand up a cow's butt. Poor old Patrick Duffy.
While the other storylines are weaving together and bubbling along nicely, Larry Hagman's JR remains the primary reason to tune in every week. When he's on screen with Sue-Ellen (Linda Gray), the whole thing perks us up like Hagman's eyebrow bristle.
The pair reignited a love triangle with the devilish Cliff Barnes this week, as JR's most famous enemy wooed Sue-Ellen over lunch. It allowed JR and Cliff to spit fireballs at each other and the trio's moments together were far and away the best scenes in the episode.
Ken Kercheval's Barnes is a brilliant panto villain. He always looks like he's having a silent cackle and his presence oozes deceit, treachery and dastardly deeds out of your TV set.
In fact, if you gave Ken some maracas and a red body suit, he would probably morph into this:
JR Zingers of the Week
"I'm a changed man, Cliff. Evidenced by the fact you're not being wheeled out now with two broken legs."
"Are you really gonna break bread with this low-life?"
What did you think to tonight's Dallas? Share your verdict below!
Dallas Episode Four 'The Last Hurrah' - Pictures: