Crazy women thrown out of hotel windows. Wrongful arrests. Surprise pregnancies. Evil Venezuelans. This week's Dallas felt like a fairly slow-paced affair, but when you notch up the ridiculous twists, hilarious death and bathroom-vomiting pregnancy reveal, you couldn't argue that it was short on plot.
JR has flown off to Vegas and truly dumped John Ross in the mire with their new oil empire. The duo are no nearer drilling on Southfork than they were eight episodes ago and they've also got a nutter from Venezuela on their case, who spits out every line he speak like a death threat. We wouldn't touch that wine he's pouring either.
He also does a fine line in wisdom. "Word travels like oil in a pipeline... and word has travelled like oil in a pipeline." Hmm. Indeed.
Aside from the crazy South American, Ross still has Christopher and Bobby ranting in his ear about their mineral rights and "what mamma wanted". He may be a smug sneak, but we're starting to side with the lad when it comes to Southfork. Christopher's pouting and Bobby's grizzled rants about family are getting more tiresome week by week. Send in the diggers!
He does have one less person on his plate after Marta Del Sol/Veronica Martinez/crazy-eyed drug-sex woman found herself having an unfortunate hotel window fall onto a car roof on the street. However, John Ross isn't the most subtle bystander and his dropped jaw and panicked looks as he walked past her bloodied body rather gave away his game.
Leaving the hotel with his neck scratched and some video footage of him scrapping and threatening her probably isn't going to do John Ross's chances of escaping a prison sentence much good. Whoever set him up is a canny old thing. Must be that Venezuelan. A John Ross In Prison spinoff beckons - we can but dream.
Elsewhere, big bad bald Ryland attempted to put a spanner in the works for Ann and Bobby. Despite initially recoiling in horror and spouting a bizarre remark that was hopefully about jewellery ("Ryland is a smug son of a bitch and I refuse to go to him and kiss his ring"), Bobby did apologise for whacking him one last week and gets out of a court case.
But Ryland didn't just accept the apology without having something up his sleeve. A brown envelope (not up his sleeve exactly, but in his safe) featuring some secrets about Bobby's wife. Displaying nerves of steel, Bobby didn't open the envelope, throwing it into a fire. Nooooo! We did get a glimpse of a picture of a lady holding a baby, but the identities and back story remains a mystery. Dammit!
It was a big fat zero when it came to zingers from JR this week. Busy living it up in Vegas and chasing that dastardly Cliff Barnes for a game of poker, he only graced the screen for a brief cameo, reassuring us that he hasn't left the show completely.
Without his eyebrows, cackles and devilish streak, the show has a Stetson shaped void to fill and the writers have yet to figure out a way to plug the gap.
Dallas continues on Wednesday nights at 9pm on Channel 5.
What did you make of the latest happenings in Southfork? Share your verdict below!