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US TV Recap

'Desperate Housewives': 'Witch's Lament' recap

By
Bree Hodge from Desperate Housewives

© ABC

Season 8, episode 6

Desperate Housewives naturally couldn't avoid the chance to do another Halloween episode, and this instalment certainly started out creepily enough. You can't get much scarier than three women running through the woods, hiding from someone with a torch, right?

That's what we get here - Bree, Lynette and Gaby have split up and are all running, including, naturally, a couple of falls. Lynette and Gaby team up before finding Bree - who's staring at the ground in shock. But what could she have found? It's really rather easy to figure it out, but first we're going to flash back to three days earlier...

Let's start off with Susan, who's still desperately trying to make Andre like her. She's rather pleased, then, when it turns out that he's picked her to be his intern this weekend - he's got a commission to finish.

Maybe she shouldn't be quite so happy, though - when she reports for duty she discovers that actually she'll just be looking after Andre's son Jasper for the weekend while he finishes his painting. She's an intern... basically so Andre doesn't have to pay her. Ouch.

Turns out that Jasper's a rather grumpy little child, and when Susan and MJ are bonding over MJ's Halloween costume, he storms outside in a huff. Susan goes to comfort him, of course, and discovers that Andre won't let him celebrate Halloween because it's for "kids".

Susan vows to make Andre come trick or treating with Jasper, MJ and herself. But when she goes to see Andre, he flat out refuses. There's only one thing for it - Susan steals the painting he's working on. Andre agrees to come so he can get his painting back, but he's ridiculously moody, and when Jasper proudly shows off some candy, he just says he wants to go home.

When MJ and Jasper have run off to the next house, Susan confronts Andre (who doesn't even let Jasper call him dad). Andre says he's not interested in a relationship with his son, but Susan reminds him that Jasper is a human with feelings, not something he can just toss aside. But she's unable to get through to Andre, so she tells him where his painting is and decides to look after Jasper herself.

When they get back home, though, Andre is there waiting for her. He admits that he doesn't care and his work will always come first, but he will try to be a better dad. Then it's time for more silly notions about being a "true artist", and he claims that it consumes you and blots out everything, including friends and family. Susan vows not to let that happen to her - but Andre warns she may not have a choice.

Susan Mayer from Desperate Housewives

© ABC

Susan Mayer from Desperate Housewives

© ABC



Elsewhere, Lynette is devastated when she discovers that Tom's new girlfriend Jane - who's unbelievably, irritatingly perfect - has offered to make Penny's Halloween costume. In an awkwardly civil conversation, Lynette claims that making the costume with Penny is kind of a tradition (despite Tom's confusion since this has never happened before) and says she's already started - and it's going to be pretty great.

Of course, Lynette's actually not too hot with a sewing machine, so when Renee reveals that one of her New York friends is a Tony Award-winning costume designer, she's thrilled. What's more, he's a cokehead, so he'll do it quickly for cash. Result!

Halloween's soon here, but the costume hasn't arrived (naturally). Lynette keeps Penny locked out of her room by claiming that she's putting the finishing touches to it, and finally the truck arrives - she gets the delivery man to throw the package up. With no time to check it, she bustles it into Penny's arms and tells her to go and get changed.

Soon Jane and Tom arrive, providing plenty more opportunity for awkwardness. Things get even more cringeworthy when Penny comes downstairs, thrilled with her costume - which is wildly inappropriate, more like sex clothes than a Halloween costume. Tom's furious, while Jane - realising what's going on - suggests that there must be a skirt that Penny's missed. She goes to "find" it with Penny and Lynette.

Jane ends up making a skirt for Penny, which ends up being a weirdly bonding moment for her and Lynette. They share their experiences of marriage breakdown, and admit that they could even end up being friends. That's why it's even more jarring when Lynette asks Jane to do her another favour - to stop taking Tom away from her.

This was more sterling work from Felicity Huffman, who's really been great this season. Both chilling (she's basically threatening Jane) and heartbreaking, this scene was a sudden emotional moment that was a real shock.

Lynette asks Jane to back off - she's not giving her husband up without a fight. But Jane counters that Lynette was always looking for a fight, according to Tom. Just like her ex, in fact. When you find someone that isn't like that, you want to hang on to them. Lynette is shellshocked, but the conversation ends there - they have to give Penny her skirt.

Desperate Housewives: S07E07 - Lynette Scarvo

© ABC

Tom Scavo in Desperate Housewives

© ABC



In a lighter storyline, Ben apologises to Renee for being awol, explaining he's just been busy with his real estate development. In fact, he'd like to make dinner for her. Renee agrees (but only after making him literally beg. Nice).

But actually, Renee's a bit nervous. It's pretty clear she's going to have sex with Ben after the dinner, but there's been lots of build up and she's feeling the pressure. But no worries - she's picked up some "woman love fluid" from Chinatown. Yes, excellent idea, Renee. As she gets ready for the date, she takes some of the medicine. Then more. And then some more. Hmm.

Anyway, she's soon over at Ben's kissing him, and even ends up literally throwing candy at some trick and treaters who interrupt the date just to get them away. But when she returns to kissing Ben, she's hot, her throat's tight and her eyes are glassy. Then, when she opens the door to more trick or treaters, they run away screaming.

Turns out she's all blotchy and swollen. Ben becomes rather concerned and suggests a doctor - and when Renee's vision goes blurry and she faints, he decides hospital might just be the best bet. Yikes.

Renee's soon better after a shot, but when Ben comes to see her he admits that the doctor told him all about the love fluid. Renee naturally hides under her sheet - before admitting that actually she hasn't had sex since her divorce.

What's more, she offered Ben sex before she realised how much she actually likes him. Sweetly, Ben says he likes her too and gets in Renee's hospital bed to give her a cuddle. This was so, so cute, and should have made everyone smile.

Desperate Housewives: S07E07 - Renee Perry

© ABC

Desperate Housewives S07E15 'Farewell Letter': Carlos

© ABC



It's not all fun and games, though. Gaby's still concerned about Carlos after his little PTA interruption - and is even testing to see if he's spiked his coffee. She urges him to go to an AA meeting and Carlos reluctantly agrees.

When he gets to the meeting, though, it's just ended. He ends up speaking to an AA member, Alan, who offers Carlos some counsel. After hearing that Carlos has been drinking more in the last two months, he asks if a traumatic event could have triggered it. Carlos naturally freezes up and decides to leave, saying it wasn't a good idea to come.

Alan hands him a business card in case he wants to call and Carlos thanks him - before throwing it away after leaving the room. That might not have been the best idea. On Halloween, when Gaby is out, a trick or treater comes to the door - but all Carlos can see is a bloody Alejandro. Brrrrr. Unsurprisingly, after shutting the door, he heads straight to the booze.

Gaby believes all is well with Carlos - she's too busy with her own problems to check. Bree fills her in on the fact that Ben is planning to build condos right where Alejandro was buried, and they agree that something must be done.

Well, Bree decides that a good plan would be to egg Ben's house. Hmm. So she does, and then blames it on some adults who shouted something about his real estate development and added an anti-Australian slur (Ben's actually quite intrigued by the insult - what could it be?). Anyway, Bree suggests relocating the development but Ben refuses - he already had to move it once after some endangered yellow spotted frogs were found in the original site.

You can see the light flick on in Bree's head. She finds out that the environmental chaps are surveying the woods tomorrow, then drags Gaby down to the lake to capture some frogs. Of course, this means lots of screaming and running about, which is always fun enough. Eventually, they capture some - but when one escapes in the car Gaby swerves all over the place before eventually stopping. And when Bree and Gaby jump out, all of the other frogs escape too. That's that plan messed up, then.

They agree that there's only one thing for it - they'll have to move the body. They leave Carlos and Susan out of the plan - because of their alcohol issues and general tendency to freak out respectively - but involve Lynette. Hey, it can't be worse than spending the evening with Jane.

They drive to the woods, and Bree has come brilliantly prepared - even bringing breathing masks for the stench. But when they hear someone calling: "Who's there?" they split up and start running. Yes, we're back to the start of the episode. Eventually, we find the trio standing staring at the ground. You guessed it... the body's gone!

What did you think of the episode? Leave your comments below!

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