Bree is the first to realise this when her promiscuous period earlier in the season is brought up at a hearing for her murder trial, with the prosecution suggesting that Alejandro Perez could be one of the many men she slept with.
The numerous notches on her bedpost come as news to her lawyer Trip Weston (Scott Bakula) and he urges the "champion of conservative values" to reveal all to him about her sex life. When Bree suddenly goes coy, he reminds her that the jury will punish her if she appears to be holding anything back.
What follows next is one of the most disturbing moments ever to have occurred in Desperate Housewives - a show that has seen plane crashes, suicide, molestation and other horrors over the years. We get to hear about Scott Bakula losing his virginity in his 20s and his enlarged prostate. Even typing that makes me feel nauseous.
Somehow though, Trip's frank disclosure about his nether regions not only gets Bree to open up about her own sexual history, but also seems to woo her. It takes a little nudge from her friends to realise that she's developed a crush on her lawyer, but by the end of the episode it's clear there's love in the air. Well, of course. Bree seems to fall for literally every man she comes across - she's the go-to love interest for pretty much every new male character. It's a lazy development and, for that, this is one romance that I just can't get behind.
Lynette also uses her feminine wiles as a weapon this week, agreeing to a date with Tom's boss Gregg (Reed Diamond) after spotting her ex back in the arms of Jane. Though Gregg seems to have some form of romantic feelings for Lynette, it's clear that she still wants her marriage to work and is keeping up the charade for as long as Gregg is willing to deliberately mess up Tom's schedule.
She continues to support Gregg's plot when she learns from Penny that Tom is fighting with Jane over his late nights at the office and still hasn't filed divorce papers. But the plan backfires spectacularly when Gregg announces that he intends to remove Tom from the situation altogether by relocating him to Mumbai. Obviously Lynette is devastated, but to be honest she deserves to be burned this episode.
It's been so easy to root for the Scavos to reunite until now because you know that the pleasantries they're extending to each other are just the repressed form of their true feelings. They smile politely when they really want to be embracing. So it's upsetting to see Lynette get such joy out of hurting Tom, even if her intention is just to infuriate Jane. She's been so wonderfully watchable as the victim of this whole divorce saga, and although it's probably more authentic to the character for her to finally lash out, it just doesn't sit right.
Another housewife whose romantic life takes a bit of a hit this week is Renee. While planning her wedding to Ben and making promises in the bedroom that a lady of her age surely can't keep, she discovers that he will be a witness at Bree's trial. She soon deduces that Ben knows more about the dead man than he's been letting on and storms away when he refuses to reveal all.
Happily though, the couple later reconcile when Ben explains that he is lying in order to keep her safe. Renee reminds him that a wife cannot be forced to testify against her husband and demands that he come clean after they are married.
For our remaining Wisteria Lane favourites, Gaby and Susan, their plots this week are very much filler. The former finds herself battling with Carlos over who gets to sweet-talk a rich old widow (Doris Hammond) out of her inheritance. Gaby wants to sell her an expensive new wardrobe, while Carlos is after funding for his addiction treatment organisation. Though Carlos makes a more convincing case, Gaby plays dirty and secretly gives his drab office a lavish makeover for when the widow comes to visit, making her think that she's been conned.
What we get after that is a very weak conclusion where Gaby and Carlos - having scared the old lady off - bicker some more about their jobs. It's basically the same argument they've been having for the last four episodes. But Gaby's ridiculously OTT stunt did raise a titter, so I'll let Housewives off for that one.
Susan, meanwhile, discovers that MJ's school is holding a father-son soap box derby and decides that she will make up for Mike's passing by building the car instead. Amazingly for a woman who can't walk five paces without tripping (or used to - I miss the old klutzy Susan), she actually does a pretty good job. But MJ isn't happy and deliberately rolls all her hard work under a truck. He explains that the kids at school already look at him like a weirdo because his dad died, and showing up to the soap box derby with his mum would only make things worse. Have to say, that's gotta be the most awful school in the world. Do kids really pick on other kids because their dads are dead? Blimey.
After a talking-to from Lynette about never being afraid to accept aid, she recruits all the Wisteria Lane men to help MJ build a new vehicle in a storyline that, although a bit expendable, is admittedly kind of nice. It's good that Housewives is continuing to explore the aftermath of Mike's death and giving time to subtle challenges such as this that are no doubt a very real part of the grieving process.
Despite the nice moments that arise this episode, it's difficult to escape the fact that we could have done without it. It's a filler episode where the only major contributions were to set up romances for Bree and Lynette that will likely be overshadowed by the trial and the reconciliation respectively. But if the build-up to the series's big finish can still raise a smile, then it looks like we're in for one hell of a finale.
- "That's so sweet. You're lying to spare your daddy's feelings."
- You heard it from Gaby - poor interior design is apparently what turns people to drugs.
- Anyone know where we can download the 'isn't that ironic' app?
- Did we think Trip was telling the truth about his sexual history? No man would be happy to reveal they lost their virginity that late.
- "Give me that. You look like Batman".
- Carlos's victory dance - wow. I'm not sure if that's amazing or hideous. I think the butt slap just about sold it.