Later, Crystal shows up but it turns out that she's not going to be much help - she's mainly there to keep Jason quiet while Andy arrives and sniffs around for some V. Eventually, Jason finds out why exactly he's being kept hostage - so that he can make a baby with Crystal. Apparently, Felton's not too hot in the impregnating department. However, any joy Jason might have had about the news was probably swiftly eradicated when he discovered the catch - that he has to be made into a werepanther first. Crystal promises that it won't hurt for long, but we're not convinced we'd be too happy about being bitten by two werepanthers and it seems Jason's not enjoying it much either.
Elsewhere, Sookie's really rather annoyed that Eric's bought her house but he's not budging. He claims that he's keeping her safe, as when other vampires start to smell her blood they're going to want it. He also tells her that there are two Sookies - the one clinging to being a human, and the other realising that she's better than that. Sookie promises that her legs won't just "magically open" when she does realise that, but instead of feeling rejected, Eric is quite impressed with her snark and tells her that she needs more of it if she's going to stay safe.
Luckily, we get the chance to find out and flash back to 1982 in London. Bill's hanging out in a punk club, but while he goes on a bit about "f**king Thatcher" (amazing), he's basically just hunting for the bartender's blood. Sure enough, he's soon feeding on the waiter in an alleyway - apparently, you can have a safety pin in your ear, but you'll still get squeamish when some guy with fangs turns up. Anyway, Nan arrives and is pretty impressed that Bill doesn't kill his victims. She reveals that a group of vampires is working on mainstreaming - with the help of Louis Pasteur, of all people - and asks Bill to help her infiltrate the monarchy.
Later, we get another flashback when Bill remembers turning up to get rid of Sophie Ann with the help of some humans armed with blood and silver bullets. After the inevitable explosion of blood and guts, Nan arrives and realises this was all about Sookie (what isn't?) Bill pretends there's nothing special about Sookie, and Nan warns that he better not be lying, pointing to Sophie Ann's scattered, gory remains. Still, Bill sticks to his story and swears the oath. And hurrah, a King is born. Back in the present, he calls Eric over and asks if there's any chance he'll give up Sookie and the house. However, it's all a bit half-hearted. The real issue is that there are necromancers in town, and Eric agrees to go and check out Marnie's coven.
Meanwhile, Sam's getting a bit close to one of his new shapeshifting friends, Luna. He tries to kiss her, but she does that old trick of turning into a horse and running away. Still, she does then turn up in his office to seduce him (her words, not mine). She apologises for her earlier escape attempt and explains that she's not so good at opening up and letting out her secrets. She does promise to try, though. They say goodbye with a kiss, but Tommy looks on and creepily announces that she "smells pretty".
Sam tells him to smell his own friends, which is a bit of a strange retort, but we'll go with it. That night, the shapeshifters begin swapping stories and Luna finally tells us a secret - she once transformed into her mother. She explains that her mum died when she was giving birth and adds that she grew up with the Navajos, who told her about "skinwalkers" - horrible evil witches who could transform into any animal, and got their powers by killing other shifters. She admits that becoming her mother was "scary" at first - duh - but then it was just nice to get to know her. Creepy.
The chat's interrupted, though, when they realise another shifter is nearby. Of course it's Tommy, and Sam chases after him, transforming into an owl on the way. When he catches up with him, he realises that Tommy doesn't have a limp after all. Tommy is equally annoyed that Sam lied about his "anger management" classes. Still, when Tommy admits that he just wants him and Sam to be brothers, everything gets all lovely again. They agree to try trusting each other a little bit more - aww.
Just as the remaining witches are trying to figure out how to get hold of a dead body, Eric shows up. He asks for Marnie and tells her to immediately disband the coven, creepily warning her that he will know if she defies him. Marnie decides to stand up for herself, but it all goes up the creek when Eric bites her in response. The witches begin a chant, but Lafayette refuses to join in - until Tara reappears with a wooden cross and gets herself in trouble with Eric.
Soon, the witches' chant escalates - we know this because there seems to be a breeze and it's all a bit dark - and Eric looks genuinely shocked. Marnie's chanting something in some kind of Latin, and Eric's fangs disappear before he rushes off. We catch up with Eric walking along the road, and Sookie pulls up beside him. Funnily enough, though, he doesn't seem to know who she is. All he can say is, "Why do you smell so good?"
- "It's not that I don't appreciate all the licking, because I do, but I'm more of a band-aid kind of guy."
- Sookie finds out that Eric had put blood in the fridge and built himself a cubby. Worst housemate ever? On the other hand, he did fix the door and buy a microwave. Cute.
- Sookie's blood tastes "like sunshine in a pretty blonde bottle". Yes, that does sound rather nice.
- Bill in leathers. Can we see more of that, please?
- "I recommend an iron supplement and Vitamin B twice daily." Useful tips for if you ever get your blood sucked.
- "Go clean yourself up. You're covered in queen."
- As cute as Arlene's baby can be, its smile can also be a bit terrifying.
- Speaking of Arlene's baby, what on Earth was going on with that bloody-eye madness? I hope we get to see more evidence of creepiness. It's all a bit We Need To Talk About Kevin.
- We love Pam #1: "Technology's taken the fun out of being a vampire."
- We love Pam #2: "Let these good people practise their constitutional right to be f**king idiots."
- Sookie seeing gremlins when Tara turned up - what's that all about?
- I still love "God hates fangs".
- We love Pam #3: "Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chick lit memoirs? Are we bonded by oestrogen or sisterhood or some other feminist drivel?"
- We love Pam #4: Sookie - "I'll never be Eric Northman's puppet." Pam - "Shame for you, then. He pulls good strings." Oooooh.
- Tara reading Good Housekeeping magazine. Of course.
- Tara calls Naomi to tell her that everyone in Bon Temps is "completely insane". Well, yes, Tara. Where have you been for the last three seasons?
- "I'd listen to him. He tends to get his own way." Lafayette, ever the master of the understatement.
What did you think of the episode? Leave your comments below!