As if that wasn't enough, Paula Abdul is here as a guest judge and she's "very excited" about it. She jokes that she's looking for Simon Cowell and Randy, so Len says that he's "randy", and it all gets a bit risqué - let's move on to our very first dance!
Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy - Charleston
Kirstie admits that she was worried about dancing the Charleston at first as it's fast, but she's also excited because it's got a lot of character. But she doesn't just want to be a funny competitor - she wants to be actually good! She and Maks are a funny duo, especially when Kirstie has a bump in training - "Do you need a hug?" Maks asks, and she nods sadly. Cute! Kirstie's worried about her cartwheels: "I'm trying to channel Shawn. I'm actually channeling the girl from Psycho getting killed in the shower." But will her routine impress the judges? It starts with her popping out of a cake - impressive enough in itself - and ends with a bizarrely brilliant swimming motion!
Len: "You turn Monday into a fun day!" Len announces. He admits that he would have liked it to be a "little cleaner", but says Kirstie's the best for fun.
Paula: Paula says the dance was a great way to begin the show, praising the way Kirstie takes on characters and saying she danced it "wonderfully". "You're just a vision," she adds - and a "joy to watch", too!
Bruno: "Oh my darling, you're a mad woman!" Bruno declares - but it's okay, because he loves her for it! He throws out references from Singing In The Rain to The Poseidon Adventure - "We love it!"
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann says that Kirstie looks "stunning" and also praises her "fabulous" dancing. She says the routine played to her strengths and she's entertaining, although she does suggest that the Charleston could be a "little tighter".
Afterwards, Kirstie explains that she was trying to live through the dance - and also jokes that she will be a "seductress" in her routine next week if she makes it through! She gets a score of 7.5 from each judge - that's a total of 30 out of 40.
Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas - Rock and Roll
Bristol jokes that she thought she'd be headbanging; instead, they're dancing to 'At The Hop'. Which makes Mark admit that he wants to dress up like a bunny (and he keeps bringing it up too, which is kind of hilarious.) Bristol eventually vetoes that idea - horrible memories of the gorilla costume haunting her - but at least she's getting on much better with Mark this week. The only thing is that Bristol is worried about the steps this week - she doesn't want to be a joke, so she asks for it to be trimmed down ("dumbed down", if you ask Mark...) Will it win over the judges?
Paula: Paula says she can definitely see an improvement, adding that it looks like Bristol is having fun now. She urges Mark to keep pushing the boundaries on Bristol's behalf, but she says she's "proud" of Miss Palin.
Bruno: Bruno's impressed that Bristol was "pumping" it out there and hit all the steps very quickly, Plus, she didn't lose focus - "Well done!"
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann calls Bristol over to the judging table so that she can high five her! She says she is "so impressed" with Bristol, who's "coming to life" and coming out of her shell. She says Bristol is blossoming, and though the routine lost a little steam at the end, it was definitely an improvement!
Len: Len says the only real failure is the failure to try, but Bristol came out and gave it her all! He admits that it could get a bit safe at times, but overall was her best dance yet.
Afterwards, Bristol admits that she found it tough to learn the steps but "had a blast", adding that she's just focusing on improving right now. And she gets good scores too, with each judge handing her an 8 for a total of 32 out of 40!
Sabrina Bryan & Louis van Amstel - Disco
Sabrina was in danger last week - she admits that she "couldn't even breathe" - so now she's going to do anything to avoid that! Carrie Ann said last week that their routine didn't have enough wow moments, so Sabrina's keen to make her disco routine exciting - it's going to have a Studio 54 vibe. She really wants to go for it to avoid elimination, so there are a crazy amount of lifts and a dodgy blue feathery jacket involved! (Later, Tom jokes that you could make a lot of Cookie Monsters out of the coat.) But will the judges like it?
Bruno: Bruno calls Sabrina a "disco diva", saying that the performance was vibrant and alive. But he points out that she lost timing on two occasions - prompting outrage from the other judges, who disagree! Still, Bruno says there was glory and glitz and glamour in the dance.
Carrie Ann: "I don't know if she was off beat - maybe you were off beat!" Carrie Ann tells Bruno. She admits that Sabrina had one dodgy dismount but kept going through it.
Len: Len announces that he's "having a moment" and pulls out his best disco moves! He explains that Sabrina's dance was "fabulous": "I was with you and I loved it."
Paula: Paula says that the duo got the Studio 54 vibe just right, and praises Louis for choreographing to Sabrina's strengths. But she does point out that there were a couple of missteps.
Later, Sabrina admits that she fell during one of the lifts during rehearsals but "nailed" it in the performance, so she's pretty happy! And Louis thanks Carrie Ann for her comments about them being too safe last week - it pushed them. Here are the scores, anyway: 9 from Carrie Ann, 9 from Len, 8.5 from Paula, and 9 from Bruno - that's a total of 35.5 out of 40.
Emmitt Smith & Cheryl Burke - Bolero
Cheryl's never been trained in bolero, so she's a little nervous about teaching Emmitt! In the end, she brings in four - four - other people to help her out (but Emmitt hints it might be a case of too many cooks spoiling the broth!) "Freaking bolero giving me a headache," Cheryl sighs. But Emmitt vows to do his best - can he wow the judges with the routine?
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann must have liked it - she's fanning herself! She says there's nothing better than a "big burly man" getting "all dramatic and sexy". Calm down! She says Emmitt articulated his lines gracefully, and had lots of meaning in his eyes when he looked at Cheryl. "Good job," she adds.
Len: Len says that because the bolero is slow, any mistakes are magnified - luckily, Emmitt coped brilliantly! He says there were lots of lovely touches, the movement was fluid and the lifts were clean.
Paula: Paula describes Emmitt as a "sensual sexy beast" - phew! - and says he captivated the judges. She explains that sometimes less is more - "and you left us all wanting more and more".
Bruno: "The mood was steamier than August in Louisiana!" Bruno exclaims. He says there was a big sense of desire in the dance, praising Emmitt's smooth lines and "fleshy flavour". Goodness!
Later - after Emmitt's wished his daughter a happy birthday - Cheryl admits that she was "overwhelmed" at the thought of doing a bolero routine. But she needn't worry too much, because Emmitt picks up four scores of 9 for a total of 36 out of 40!
Gilles Marini & Peta Murgatroyd - Bollywood
Gilles is hoping to make up the ground he lost last week, when he dropped a couple places in the leaderboard. And what's more, he has to work on Bollywood this week! Peta brings in an expert to help them out, but Gilles admits that this is probably the biggest challenge they'll face this season. Still, he settles on doing a harder routine in an attempt to impress. But Peta's getting teary under the pressure and admits that it's not coming together - will they manage to keep the judges happy with their 'Jai Ho' dance? Gilles practically collapses after he's finished!
Len: Even Len knows nothing about Bollywood, but he says he enjoyed the "hotter than a curry" routine. He praises Gilles for taking on whatever dance is thrown at her - he always commits, 100%.
Paula: Paula says the dance was "smouldering" and as "spicy as a vindaloo".
Bruno: Bruno announces that Gilles is a "Bollywood superstar", describing the dance as exotic, witty and stylistic. "A Bollywood dream come to life!" he declares. "Your agent should send you there."
Carrie Ann: "Aladdin has nothing on you, Gilles Marini," Carrie Ann quips, adding that the routine was "fantastic". She liked the duo's facial expressions, explaining that they brought the character of the dance to life.
Gilles later admits that he didn't realise dancing Bollywood would be so difficult, while Peta says that it was "tough" on both of them - still, they got through it. And with some style, too - Carrie Ann gives Gilles a score of 10, making him collapse on the floor again! He gets a 9.5 but then two more 10s from Paula and Bruno - a score of 39.5 out of 40! Phew!
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani - Jitterbug
Before we get to see any footage of rehearsals, there's a super cute sequence with Melissa's baby daughter, who keeps blowing raspberries at her. It's almost too cute to deal with. But onto the real business of dancing - Melissa's keen to make her routine something completely different (she's a bit worried about the other contestants.) Tony is excited about pushing the limits, but Melissa's scared of being compared to Shawn - she needs to prove herself. And my, are there a lot of lifts in her jitterbug! What will the judges think?
Paula: Paula says Melissa and Tony fit together like a hand and a glove; she says they dance as if they've been dancing forever. She praises their "impeccable" footwork and pays tribute to Tony's choreography. "You nailed it!" she adds.
Bruno: Bruno describes Melissa as "fearless and fierce", saying that she pulled off some pretty ambitious lifts. But he counted and she didn't miss any steps! Apart from one slightly dodgy dismount, she was "near perfect" - "You're an amazing dancer," he concludes.
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann says Melissa can make anything look effortless, though she also praises Tony's choreography for highlighting Melissa. She admits that there were problems with some of the lifts but appreciates that the duo were going for difficulty.
Len: Len says she'd rather people failed going for it than played it safe. He says Melissa is a class dancer - she's always clean and correct. He acknowledges that there was a "little faux pas" but adds that it "made little Lenny very happy".
Upstairs, Melissa admits that she's a little frustrated about messing up that one moment - it's the first time she's got it wrong! But she's pleased about challenging herself with the dance - and the scores ain't bad either! Carrie Ann and Len both give her a 9, while Paula and Bruno plump for 9.5. That's a total of 37 out of 40!
Shawn Johnson & Derek Hough - Mambo
This week, Shawn heads back to Des Moines to hang out with her fellow Olympic gymnasts - always nice, right? And Derek is loving it, too! But after their amazing dance last week, they have to keep the standard up. Shawn basically wants to keep pushing herself and pulling out all the stops, and she likes the dangerous side of dance! When Derek warns that some people might say they've peaked already, she grins: "I think we're just beginning." Will the judges agree?
Bruno: Bruno announces that Shawn is "mesmerising, sexy, out of this world". He says he keeps thinking he's seen it all on the show, but it keeps getting better!
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann says everyone's bringing their A game - but they should be worried about Shawn! And not just because of the tricks, either; she points out that their lines and movements are synchronised perfectly.
Len: "Good news from Goodman - I liked it!" Len declares. He says that there's loads of speed and athletic movement in their dancing, but they still keep up the rhythm and timing.
Paula: Paula says Shawn has turned into a "sexy young lady", adding that she didn't miss a step. She jokes that she was "down and dirty" with her hips, but also "elegant". It's her favourite dance!
Later, Shawn admits that it was great to see her fellow gymnasts again, while Derek dismisses suggestions that his partner has an unfair advantage when it comes ot lifts and tricks - she puts pressure on herself! But she needn't, because the scores are great: Len gives the duo 9.5, but the other three judges score it 10! That's a total of 39.5 out of 40 for the pair.
Apolo Anton Ohno & Karina Smirnoff - Hip Hop
Karina is not impressed with the idea of doing hip hop - she's never studied or danced it, so she's "absolutely freaking out". "I want to f**king cry," she says as they listen to their backing music. "Listen to this s**t. I'll take disco over this s**t any day!" She brings in a hip hop expert to help out with the routine, but it's kind of refreshing to see her so completely out of her comfort zone. Apolo says people expect him to be good because of his freestyle in season four - but this is different. Will he pull it out of the bag? Well, he's forced to take off his mic pack - amazingly, to the beat, much to Tom's admiration - but Karina slips and ends up in tears of frustration at the end of the routine. Apolo carries her over to receive the judges' comments...
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann reassures Karina that she didn't mess up the routine, adding that everyone is out of their comfort zone and they know that. Anyway, she says that she loves that they brought a "modern edge" to a classic song, praising the choreography.
Len: Len brings out his own hip hop gestures (yep, run away now), and says Apolo was "smoking". He admits that he wasn't looking at Karina - Apolo was "fantastic" and even the problem with his mic pack didn't faze him.
Paula: Paula says professionals are always hard on themselves; as for Apolo, she thinks he's naturally good at hip hop because he has "swagger".
Bruno: Bruno says Apolo rocked it, and had the attitude and the moves! "You even make the Running Man look good," he quips. Plus, he reassures Karina that she covered up her slip and doesn't need to worry.
Later, Apolo admits that it is "super tough" at the moment but their experience in the routine proves you need to just keep going no matter what. And though Karina's "embarrassed", her issues won't affect the scores, which are for Apolo's dancing - he gets 8.5 from Carrie Ann, 9 from Len, 8.5 from Paula and 8.5 from Bruno. That's 34.5 out of 40!
Kelly Monaco & Val Chmerkovskiy - Contemporary
Val is not impressed that Cheryl picked contemporary for them this week - she knows that he pretty much knows nothing about it! But he vows that it will "bite her in the butt" in the end... He comes up with the idea for the dance, which is about Kelly not wanting to forgive him but not wanting to let him go, either. Obviously this duo have a lot of chemistry, and hearing Val say: "Take me, take me like this" doesn't help either. But it's emotional, too - Kelly admits that she has a lot of walls up, but Val is teaching her how to trust again. Aww! She broke her toe during rehearsals, but what will the judges think of the dance? Kelly's tearful already!
Len: Len says he loves the contrasts in dance - like fast and slow, love and hate, hard and soft - and that's what was in this dance. He says that Kelly and Val are the "biggest revelation" this season - "Fabulous!"
Paula: Paula says the routine was "beautiful" - she's proud of Kelly, who did a brilliant job even with an injury.
Bruno: Bruno says that contemporary is the hardest style to take on, because it takes years of training, but Kelly did it "beautifully". He explains that the dance was "emotionally charged" and he believed every minute. "You should be proud, my darling," he concludes.
Carrie Ann: Carrie Ann says what makes contemporary amazing is being in touch with your raw emotion, and Kelly laid her heart out there. Plus, she had "gorgeous" lines! She does say some of the moves were a bit beyond her ability but applauds her for being courageous.
Kelly's still feeling emotional upstairs, as she says the show has nothing to do with dancing - it's about friendships, relationship, self-confidence, inner worth and trust. And Val says he doesn't care about the results or scores - he just feels "very, very blessed" to have met Kelly. Aww - he's even tearing up himself! But here are the scores - 9 from Carrie Ann and 9.5 from the other judges. That's a total of 37.5 out of 40!
So that's that - the celebrities have done all they can, and now they just have to await the results. Gilles and Shawn are at the top with a score of 39, while Kirstie is at the bottom of the leaderboard with 30. But anything could happen with the voting - we'll have to wait and see what happens!
Dancing With The Stars airs Mondays and Tuesdays on ABC.